I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
