i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
