The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
