Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
