He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
