Can i not drive my cunt home
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
