hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
