it wasn't lemon gatorade
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
