New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Randomize
