It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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