One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
