Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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