my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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