It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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