you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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