just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
