I have demons in me.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
