I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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