we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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