At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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