I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
