Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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