I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
