I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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