onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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