i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
