ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
