He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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