I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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