When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
