at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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