life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
