so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
