Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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