why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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