life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
