hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Randomize
