I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
