This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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