There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
