We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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