just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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