carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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