The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Randomize
