im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
