You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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