It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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