I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
