I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
