Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
