Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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