literally had 100 drinks last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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