It's just like the Real World with babies
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
