I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
