ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Randomize
