I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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