so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
