His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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