What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Houston, we have a blender
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
