I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
