so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
