I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
