The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
