It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
