1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
barbara walters just said penis...
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
