My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
