Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
ugly people sure do ruin things
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
