The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
