I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Randomize
