I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
