This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Well I just put wine in my tea
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
