Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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