I'm going to jail i love you
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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