she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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