dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Please, let me fuck your mom
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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