Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
