this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Rumble strips road head = magical
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
