how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
