and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
