On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well you can't waste a boner
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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