I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
