in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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