I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
