Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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