Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
