Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
