girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
