i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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