i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
