"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
