ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
